Bless and Release

January 6, 2016 — 15 Comments

A moment of joy in front of a giant sequoia

I think it is time to bless and release this blog.

Nearly a year ago I fretted over the decision to renew my hosting agreement; I chose to renew it because I thought perhaps I would return to writing occasionally. That did not happen, and now my domain name is about to expire.

For two years I have been slogging through an increasingly painful phase, and although I have frequent joyful moments, they are but brief punctuation marks in whole paragraphs of unexplainable grief and depression. This state of being prevents me from writing in such a way that honors my intentions for this blog to be authentic and more light-filled than dark. The time to bless and release this blog probably passed a year ago, and I am finally ready to accept what is.

I am deeply grateful for the many blessings I received from you during this brief adventure. You offered joy, laughter, understanding, compassion, connection and love. Thank you.



How I Got My Groove Back

October 6, 2014 — 19 Comments

It all started with abdominal cramps. Nothing major, barely noticeable, and surely they would pass within an hour or so.

Except they didn’t.

It was my first day of having the house to myself after my girls went back to school – the most wonderful day of the year.

Continue Reading…

How I love the intrigue of things that make me go hmmm. My head delightedly noodles over endless questions: What’s it all about? Why is it like that? What was their motivation? Who thought it was a good idea to do that?

Lumpy bed

Intentionally lumpy comforter on bed from a recent hotel stay

Lately, though, I have made myself go hmmm – and in no way have I been amused – as my upbeat, decisive, and worker bee self has shifted to one who struggles with despair, uncertainty, and the inability to move forward. This state exceeds the boundaries of my mercurial nature; the sadness is extreme, my doubt and inability to make decisions is foreign to me, and my bouts of feeling utterly alone and unloved make no sense.  Continue Reading…

cat - Goldie

One day in the winter of my 18th year I felt a burst of inspiration to snap a picture of our cat Goldie looking out our window. Technical photography issues were no concern; I simply grabbed my cheap camera, went out onto our snowy front yard, pointed, and clicked (twice).

I didn’t notice that she grew bored with the outdoors and decided to move on.


Sometimes we do things and end up with unexpected results. Well, lots of times we get unexpected results – or at least that’s the way it is with me. Sometimes we get bored and decide to move on. Today I’m remembering that those things can be for the best.  Continue Reading…

I’m Somebody!

March 22, 2014 — 8 Comments

I feel like Steve Martin when he exclaimed (something along the lines of), “The new phone book is here! I’m somebody!”

The feeling surged through me this morning when I read Tunisia Jolyn’s interview with and kind words about me.  Tunisia is on a mission to brighten the world, and she has certainly brightened mine. I first “met” her through THE JOLYN PROJECT, which she recently released to start the brand spanking new a little positivity {dot} com.

Please hop over to becoming, one breath at a time with Kelly Kuhn, and while you’re there, snoop around and subscribe to her latest project. She’s pure delight and sure to bring daily doses of positivity to your life!

I’m feeling like a little Bobby McFerrin is in order:


Silence and Playing Small

February 19, 2014 — 17 Comments

Peering over Dad’s shoulder, I was entranced by his words and hand movements. He held a shoe in his lap, and was teaching my older brother how to tie the laces. I watched and carefully listened to the lesson, to my brother’s attempts to mimic Dad’s motions, and Dad’s continued guidance. My mind buzzed, trying to memorize every detail. After I felt I could do it on my own, I slipped away to find one of my shoes and excitedly followed Dad’s instructions.

shoesBeing able to tie my shoes was one of my first secrets, which I kept until what seemed an acceptable time after my brother learned. I don’t recall telling anyone in my family that I learned before him until last year.

It’s a small thing, but I learned this week that it’s part of a significant soul issue, one I am now trying to understand and process. I have discovered a very strong belief that I dare not achieve certain things or else my brothers will feel bad. This is laughable because my brothers are intelligent, talented, and pretty much wonderful. Yet my belief is very real, and very powerful.  Continue Reading…

Throughout my childhood, I was a hand watcher. A hand envier. Other girls had skinny, pretty fingers – so delicate and feminine!  Most women had long, elegant hands and fingers. How I longed for those hands, for that gene pool!

But it wasn’t my lot. Of the few physical characteristics I inherited from my mom, at the top of the list were short, fat fingers. Even though she had a great figure, my mom’s hands looked like my grandma’s minus 4 decades. I continually watched both pairs of hands as they washed dishes, cooked meals, rested. And as I watched, I knew my fate. Knew that pudgy hands were a life sentence.

The thing is, Grandma’s hands were highly skilled – able to sew, crochet, and quilt like nobody’s business. Mom played the piano and organ, and could type as fast as most could speak. I discovered I inherited similar talents, but that didn’t stop me from frequently complaining that it wasn’t fair.

Fortunately, as the years passed, I made peace with these hands. They type fast, play piano well, scratch my cats, and they lovingly held and cared for my babies. They take a nice photo once in a while. They look just fine with my developing wrinkles and age spots, frequently reminding me of the two women I loved so much.

Icy Altima

For at least a month I’ve thought and wanted to blog about my (mom’s) hands. Even so, when I read The Daily Post’s Weekly Photo Challenge: Selfie, they didn’t come to mind … until I saw that they had photo bombed this picture of ice sliding off my daughter’s car.

As luck would further have it, today I read I’m Falling in Love With My Shoulders This Valentine’s Day, and I realized that I really do love these hands, and I’m grateful for the inheritance. Thank you, Anka, for starting this love fest. If any of my readers want to join in, check out her link – she’ll be glad to have you join the fun!

7 days