One day in the winter of my 18th year I felt a burst of inspiration to snap a picture of our cat Goldie looking out our window. Technical photography issues were no concern; I simply grabbed my cheap camera, went out onto our snowy front yard, pointed, and clicked (twice).
I didn’t notice that she grew bored with the outdoors and decided to move on.
Sometimes we do things and end up with unexpected results. Well, lots of times we get unexpected results – or at least that’s the way it is with me. Sometimes we get bored and decide to move on. Today I’m remembering that those things can be for the best.
The Daily Post has challenged bloggers to capture reflection this week, which is perfect since I’ve recently passed my 1 year blogging anniversary and this is my 100th post. When I started this blog, I had high hopes of building a platform for the memoir I had completed. I was nervous about putting myself out there, but thoroughly enjoyed building this website and navigating the issues of defining personal boundaries, coming up with post ideas, and honoring my self-imposed limit of 500 words per post. For months, I felt inspired to share my thoughts online, even though it required hours at a time.
About six months ago, I felt privacy creeping in. I wanted to journal, using thousands of words, free of audience concerns, free of having to edit myself. That pained me at first, but I arrived at a place of acceptance with this unexpected shift. I will probably never build a platform and my memoir may never take the shape of a physical book, and that’s ok. I came to accept that I might release this blog – at least temporarily while taking considerable time preparing for significant changes in my life. Possibly permanently. It felt good. Settled.
But wouldn’t you know it? Last week 3 bloggers made requests of me – to be interviewed, write a guest post, and contribute to an anthology of inspirational stories. That gave me pause, given that I feel my soul and the Universe are in cahoots, trying to get my attention and give me growth opportunities. Doubt and angst have had a stronghold on me this week, as I debated what path I’m supposed to be on.
Fortunately, my frustration shifted to reflection this morning; I discovered that I had once again fallen into the trap of over-analyzing everything, especially my responsibilities, all because of fear and doubt. My fears were overriding my intuition, self-trust, and my deepest wishes.
Three hours later, I feel clear-headed, centered and peaceful about my One Thing, despite having no definite answers or exact plan. I’m contentedly back in touch with one of my truths: Analysis is perfect in the right circumstances and amounts, but my life provides far more interesting results when I follow my inspiration and promptly point and click.